Since the seemingly instantaneous Viagra boom, drug manufactures have been pumping us full of new drugs with a full onslaught of Television and Radio commercials. Drugs ranging from those whom supposedly relieve you from migraines to my particular favorites, those who may give you a 48 hour mega-boner.

These commercials are absolutely ridiculous, usually consisting of some gray haired man feebly tossing a football through a big “loose” tire and missing horribly thus illustrating his apparent absolute sexual failure as his disappointed partner looks on and cries.

Even more entertaining than the 30 second soap opera is the voice over announcer rushing through the possible “most common” side effects in the end of the commercial. These side effects are usually [unfortunately] much worse than the original problems the drugs are intended to cure.

So, you may no longer have your bad breath but you will need to wear a man-diaper because of your new uncontrollable anal bleeding.

I have a little game I like to play every time I see a new drug advertisement on TV. I try to guess the possible side effects of one of these new wonder drugs before the announcer gets to them. They always fiddle with the terminology to make it sound less severe, but as long as you can pinpoint the body part, you’re a winner. For example;

Voiceover announcer: “Are your herpes flaring up again, Jenny? Well now try HerpeX …”

Me: “Hmm, I’m going to go with … gives you anal warts”

Voiceover announcer: “…the most common side effects are permanent liver damage or a rapid drop in blood pressure causing a possible coma”

Me: “Dammit!”
But hey, now you can get your groove on right?

Whatever happened to rigid testing requirements placed on either prescription or over the counter medication and why has the FDA become so lax with the drugs they allow on the market?

If in the late 20’s when Penicillin was first discovered, if it came with a warning attached to it that said it could possibly cause your penis to shrivel up and fall off there is no way it would have found its way into the market. But times are different, the pharmaceutical industry is now driven by big business, lobbyist and greed.

I’m convinced that drug companies don’t actually care if we are well, they would rather sell us another drug to combat the side affects of the original drug we purchased thus doubling their profits, douche bags.

Also, who are the poor dickbags out there that need money so bad there willing to be tested on just find out if there are any possible side affects? I don’t care how much there paying … I’m not taking a pill to see if it will lower my cholesterol but make me shit crayons.

I have no faith in commercialism anymore.