It's a little after 6:30 in the AM. I am not sure WHY exactly but I find myself on my couch watching the Red Sox 2007 home opener.

The Red Sox look super rusty -- that could be due to the fact that they are not even done with spring training yet! I can't tell you the reasoning for having the Red Sox play two official games in Japan before returning back to the US and playing 3 more spring training games but none the less they (especially Matsuzaka) look completely uninspired.

I think they Yankees had a similar schedule a few years back when they did their tour of Japan and that caused them to get off to a very slow start -- hopefully this does not repeat itself.

It's only the bottom of the 2nd inning (bases loaded) so hopefully they will turn things around.

When she came out of the bathroom they started to tank again – so to appease the football gods we asked her to watch the remainder of the game from the bathroom. She (of course) was a great sport about it so at the end of the game I presented her with the Most Valuable Fan of the Game trophy sponsored by Coors Light.

This story has now been overshadowed by this sound clipped ripped from the audio of last nights game. The announcers all night were talking about how “loud” the dome was .. also mentioning how smart the Indy fans were because it was soo quiet when the Colts had the ball allowing Manning to operate an efficient offense.

In this sound clip you can hear an obvious spike in the volume of the crowd – then an echoing sound (reverb from the crowd noise looping back into the microphone) then a very conspicuous drop in the crowd noise level? Were the Colts pumping in crowd noise to disrupt the Patriots?

Assuming that this was not done by CBS to hype the sounds from the game then its very obvious that the colts are CHEATERS.

The NFL is looking into it .. and of course the Colts and Dungy are going to plead ignorance (so there removed from all possible penalties from the NFL) and state that it was done by someone in the stadium without their knowledge.

There have been many accusations over the years about the unrealistically loud noise in the RCA dome -- but never any proof of it -- maybe the Colts past is also tarnished by cheating?!

The worst part of what the Colts did in comparison to what Belichick’s Spygate -- was that pumping in crowd noise had an direct effect on the game outcome as it was being played – a pretty big one I might add. Whereas what Belichick did only benefited (arguably) future games.

Either way I want to hear all the Patriots pundits that were tossing stones at the Patriots’ glass house speak out against what the Colts did – its only fair.

Either or the colts did not have what it takes to best the Patriots. No matter what the ref’s did on those awful calls and whether they were cheating or not.

Its the pregame show and the analyst are pretty much sitting in the stands about 3 feet from 3rd base. Fenway is funny like that. I would loved to have been in the production room as FOX asked the Red Sox to put their pre-game show stage on the field somewhere.

Fox: “can we put the stage here?”
Red Sox: “no, really there’s no room anywhere”

FOX: “how about over here?”
Red Sox: “no, there’s no room”

FOX: “how about over there?”
Red Sox: “no, there’s no room”

FOX: “Yeah -- wow there really is no room on the infield.”
Red Sox: “Told you.”

Who is this curly haird Dan Shaughnessy wanna be pregame analyst again? Hey Dick – the Rockies are not the second coming of Jesus – keep your pants on. The Rockies were what one strike from not even making the playoffs? Granted what the rockies did was unbelievable – but the Red Sox are not underdogs here. It should be a good series.

And just so we clear, not picking against the home town team with the only reason of not getting your ass kicked in a bar later -- is not actually picking the home town team.

And the winner of the “What inning does McCarver contradict himself completely and make an ass out of himself” is, Rich with the first half inning.

I’m buying stock in some pharmaceutical company tomorrow, there are going to be 40,000 sick people tomorrow. Light drizzle and low 60’s at best all night for tonight? BTW: You paid how much for that cold?

Beckett whiff’s the side. If he keeps this up you gotta love our chances.

Wow its 2-0 sox -- I may not need the Rolaids tonight!
** Eric thinks to the end of the lineup with Drew and Lugo**
I wont put them away yet, Ill just move them to the side over here.

** Tivo pops up asking me to switch channels **
Sorry Bionic Woman, not tonight.

Lugo’s up, Rolaids in hand.. and there it is end of the inning ... figures, Lugo leaves more men on base than bastard children on welfare.

It’s the second inning and Beckett just let up his third double of the night .. I can just picture the conversation as the player walked to the batters box.

Beckett: “You can either hit a double double or strikeout, your pick”
Rockie Player: “Umm --- I think I’ll take the double”

I used to like Dane Cook. That ended about 3 weeks ago when “There’s only one October” commercials started running back to back..

Red sox just scored a Bazillion runs in the fifth, looks like an early night for me.

Beckett just 0wned the entire Rockies organization.

Gange is warming up, I have a sinking feeling there going to put him in – scenarios on how he can give up an 11 run home run are popping through my head.

While I have covered countless topics here over the years which could be filed under useless rants – I don’t think I touched upon this very important issue which exists in every company I have worked for.

People whom want to talk to you while going to the bathroom.

Everybody shits, I know. But while I’m trying to squeeze out last night’s late night burrito the last thing I want to talk about is a client deliverable – or anything for that matter.

This does not apply only for #2, #1 as well. Just because there is an open stall next to me – that does not mean I want you to strike up a conversation while you awkwardly try to make eye contact with me.

Mike said it best a while ago although I could not find the quote. “When hand on pee-pee, no talkee”

Sometimes you are just walking to the bathroom and someone takes the opportunity to walk and talk with you, and I am fine with this. But once you reach the door of the bathroom the conversation MUST BE paused and the real business must begin.

You cannot follow me into the bathroom and stand there talking to me while I pee, if you followed me through the halls and walked into the bathroom then realizing your error, post up to a urinal, fake a piss and shake then wash your hands and then wait outside.

The most awkward of this is the inter-stall communication. There is no excuse for this. If you were having an important conversation, which was interrupted by the call of nature, pause the conversation and regain it again once both parties are out of the bathroom.

If your worried about forgetting something and don’t have a pen and paper, you could always just scrawl it on the wall with urine.

There are several things that I _hate_ about the internet and computers, not so much the internet but companies whom develop things on/for the internet and what they make you do.

Internet Passwords
Whom are you to tell me what my password should be. I have chosen a secure password that does not follow your scheme, I'm sorry that not everybody wants 128-bit hexadecimal passwords containing thirteen symbols, three numbers and three capital letters to protect the bogus account which you make me sign up for to use your shitty service in the first place.

If my password is not secure, let me know that you think that but let me use it anyways. If my account is compromised feel free to cancel my account and publicly ridicule me.

Making me use some arcane password just frustrates me when I do come back and can't remember what password you made me choose. I probably have close to 3000+ accounts and you making me jump through hoops is only wasting your developer time and my actual time.

I'd like to see some stats on "forgotten password" on the internet -- I need to do this about twice a week.

Asshats.

Tag Along Software Makers
This one I hate too. I just installed Adobe Reader and they "did me the favor" of wasting my bandwidth and hard drive installing a neutered version of Adobe Photoshop. Seeing I have a full blown version of Photoshop I did not want this so I canceled the installation, which (of course) caused the Adobe(R) shit-downloadr (TM) to error because for SOME REASON I didn't want their neutered piece of shit tag along software.

also see iTunes and Quicktime..

System Tray Abusers
I do not want your software running all day and night "just incase" I decide to use the software I can click on the icon. Thats what my program list is for asshole. You clogging up the tray with useless drivel is the #1 cause of computer slowdown for people whom don't know what the hell they are doing.

Meh, I must be having a bad day. Baby wants his bottle.

I know that he's innocent until proven guilty but the indictment came out today and it does not look good for good ole Ron Mexico.

I am of the opinion that it is not my right to decide anything which should live or die. I feel bad when a plant I have dies. Who is Vick to play god with these unbelievable creatures. IMO taking a dogs life is almost as egregious as taking another humans life.

The indictment contains such gems as Vick (and crew) beating and torturing dogs (via electrocution and grabbing them by the neck and slamming their heads into the ground) whom lost him money. Vick's compound was a breeding ground for fierce, bloodthirsty dogs and the hub for a large dog fighting culture.

I hope when he gets to Jail his roommate loves dogs and Mexican food.

I'm sure a few people have noticed me being a little short and for that I'm sorry.

I think it has to do with the fact that I love to be in a groove, I like change but I like to be in control. It may have something to do with the uncertainty of the way things are at my new position and how I am still trying to get the lay of the land.

It may have to do with the fact that I am in the process of moving, combined with the overwhelming allergies I have been battling.

I am not sure what it is but all these things combined have left me feeling funky and I hope I can get out of the weeds soon.

One thing I have enjoyed lately is my slow migration to the Mac platform .. I have been doing tons of reading about hybrid users like myself. Maybe I don't like being a Mac user?

File this under "whining"

PS. There is some additional funk going on right now with our web hosting. Hopefully things there iron themselves out.

Here are a few reasons why I hate you.

1. You and A-Rod are dating – why else would you carry his jock on a pedestal? You persist that A-Rod shouting “hey” as he runs by a 3rd baseman forcing him to drop it -- a “Good Play”. It was a bush-league play, buy a bush-league player.

Also, No one held a gun against his head and forced him to go to a strip club with a stripper. He’s got a wife and a family. He made that decision to be in that situation, he’s no angel. Open your eyes you tool.

2. You know nothing about the game and prove it every time I watch by brow-beating some inane point until an inning ends and someone can feed you a new topic. I have heard more insightful commentary from drunk urine soaked vagrants on the T at 11:30 at night.

3. You complain that Baseball players, unlike celebrities, don’t like to have their name in the papers. Celebrities as you believe in your warped little world, "just want their name in the paper". Yeah – It’s so fucking obvious Lindsay Lohan is ecstatic about her DUI/Drug abusing headlines. I bet she hangs them on her fridge.

Unfortunately, Joe Morgan is the only one whom detracts what usually is excellent coverage by ESPN.

Where is Rem-Dawg when you need him?

California was the journey I thought it would be. Beautiful scenery, beautiful weather, sensational hype all over and a general feeling of a care free spirit.

In the three weeks I was out there I saw two tapings of reality shows, two high speed chases on TV, three separate wide spread fires which damaged houses and received national TV coverage, a lost whale, and more Mercade’s, Lambo’s and Lotuses than I ever had before.

It seems in LA it’s more important to have a expensive car which is freshly polished than to shower daily.

All and all it was a great time spent with some new friends.

However I’m glad to be home.

I find recently (because of the change in companies) myself answering this question at least three times a day. For the most part, like most questions, I try to answer it in such a way which it will be understood.

If I suspect that you will have no clue on what I am about to say, I will give the obligatory “Web Developer”, “Software Engineer” or “Technology Manager” token response and most likely be on my merry way.

But at work, where I am surrounded by my peers where people need to know what I REALLY do (and more so what I’m about), it is more difficult.

If you do know about technology (at least its existence) that response is not very descriptive at all and misleading because inside all those roles there are lots of things that I do not do.

In the past I used to start spewing at the mouth about being a developer of web standards, accessibility and semantics. But like many of you right now, eyes start to glaze over and attention is quickly lost.

Recently, I have just started with the “Umm, I’m a Web 2.0 guy.” and I seem to be getting a better response.

Sometimes I get an obligatory nod with “kool” and the distinct impression that the person really didn’t care. Asking what I did was more of a formality and there is a good chance that the person still has no clue what I’m talking about. Fair enough – no breath wasted.

But more often than not people seem interested in knowing more about what that means and ask. This is where I try to elaborate and often I get a quick round of 10 questions on my opinion.

I hate the fact that I am using a cliché’ buzz word to tell people what I “do” but hey -- if it works, don’t fix it right?

Not even close.

This was an intense marathon style meetings for five days straight, almost ten hours each day where we were de-programmed and re-programmed in the Sapient way. We had an awesomely diverse group of entertaining individuals which made the experience what it was – hopefully I get to work with some of them in the near future.

Some of it was enlightening, some “interesting” and some parts just had an eerie propaganda type feeling to it. They seem to have very detailed processes around things that need it, and some that don’t. Sometimes that can cause more of a problem than it cures but I will let the course take me where it will before I judge it too harshly.

All and all it was a good experience which will hopefully prove useful in my travels here. I have some pictures of the area which I hope to slap into Flickr tonight.

Santa Monica was an awesome area, however I did not get to explore as much as I wish I could due to the intense marathon style training process. It felt a lot like South Beach, but not as busy and touristy. One comment was the sheer number of homeless people which lined the streets. Never once have I seen so many homeless people, I will say If I am ever homeless, I don’t know if I am going to Santa Monica, I’m pretty sure the going rate for a pack of gum is $5.00 out there.

I am now back on the east coast for at least a week, tomorrow I should find out more about if/when I am headed back out there.

Hey Earl, if the Muppets fought the Fraggles, who would win?

Trees are budding with new foliage like the one they shed last fall. Critters are emerging from their long winters nap with renewed vigor and there is a freshness in the air as signs of new life are all around us.

In the same vein, I have decided to start a new chapter in my life by moving on from my position at Digitas and take on a new exciting adventure at Sapient.

I want to take a moment and address my colleagues whom provided me with the three best years of my life, whom I consider not just co-workers but friends.

Every single day I was inspired by you in some way. It may have been in a technical capacity, it may have been in a business sense or even as a person.

Every day I was challenged by you to be a better individual, every day I laughed, every day I felt respect and collaboration from you.

I just hope I held up my end of a bargain and provided you with the same respect and expertise as you shared with me.

I thank you all from the bottom of my subroutine.

Sunday, I hop on a jet and fly to Santa Monica for a week of orientation at the Sapient corporate headquarters. So much for collecting my thoughts and purging myself of hotdogs!

This will be the 4th annual “999 Dream Challenge” and if the previous three years are any indication of the hilarity to ensue – there will be many sighs of disgust and uncontrollable laugher as my friends and I struggle to eat a hotdog and drink a beer for each inning of a baseball game.

The date has been set, Saturday, April 21st 2007 – it’s an afternoon game where the Red Sox take on the Yankees which should allow plenty of time to recover from the event before needing to head home.

You don’t need to participate in the challenge if you just want to have a few beers, watch the game and have a hotdog or two while you laugh at people testing the limits of their stomachs.

If you want to participate in the challenges, or just come by let me know by RSVP’ing here and just mention which type of hotdog you want.

Of course please email me with any questions or comment on your favorite 999 memories.